Sunday, April 12, 2009

Easter Sunday and a fresh start...


'Fireproof' and 'The Love Dare'. Either you've watched the movie, cried, resolved to make a difference in your marriage, and, probably, bought the book...or you have no idea what I'm talking about. For the latter reader, go over to and find out. The book (and movie in which it stars) offers forty days of ways to change yourself and your marriage with faith-based, Christ-based challenges to alter your behaviour, and to make love a choice rather than a fickle feeling. Thousands of couples, supposedly, have already been enriched by, blessed by, or turned their marriages around because of this book, even those separated or on the brink of divorce. For the former reader, let me just say that I bought 'The Love Dare', it came in last weekend, and I chose to start it today.

Except that I have already 'done' many of the 'dares' or marriage challenges over far more than the last forty days. In fact, it was at the end of last year that I came to the realization that my marriage was in emotional tatters and as a first step chose to silence my negative, critical tongue - a choice that happens to be Day One of the Love Dare, a book I didn't know existed at the time. Oh yes, it takes two to build a marriage as well as to tear it down, but the only person's actions I can change are my own, so let's start there, shall we? Scanning through the journal entries (over at which many brave men and women taking this challenge have made public, I see that my problems and my reactions are far from unique... but also that the suggestions and dares the book offers are equally so.

Since confessing myself before the Lord, counsellors, and my husband those five months ago, I have done a number of these actions spontaneously for my husband, whether the requirement to ask what he would change about my behaviour, the random considerate present, the listening ear, the affectionate touch, the gift of time, the focusing on his good qualities.... the walls are as thick and icy as ever.

Friends and family, I know you are already praying for us, over here across the seas. Let me ask specifically for these needs: - keep my heart soft towards him and my tongue bridled - soften his heart towards me and our daughter - reinstill joy and remove depression - help him learn to trust and to offer forgiveness(...perhaps someday to ask mine in turn?) I can do nothing to change or help him, no matter how many books I read or actions I do; only God can restore and enrich our damaged relationship.

Pray for all three of us! We love and miss you...

the Bard

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